Guys, it’s officially Christmas time! It’s socially acceptable to play Christmas songs and wear PJs with snowflakes on them. Exciting times. November also means that it’s only one month until my next anniversary of getting into a relationship with my boyfriend. And guess what, this year marks 3 years together. Time flies when you’re having fun, doesn’t it? I thought it would be a good idea to sit down and think about what my long-term relationship has taught me about love. And life in general.
Let me clear this first. This is my first serious relationship *gasp* so I was going into it not knowing what to expect, how to behave and how relationships even worked. My knowledge was based on The Notebook, Disney movies and whatever book I was reading at that time (it could have been Twilight). In my head, I was a little princess waiting to be rescued by a prince and gallop on a horse to our happily ever after. At the same time being a ‘strong independent woman who don’t need no man’. Don’t ask me how two of these ideas even worked together.
My relationship has taught me so much. Among being less selfish, sharing a bit more and learning how to play PlayStation 4 games, I wrote down the most important lessons that will stay with me for a long time. Happy reading!
A loving partner helps you love yourself more
I know myself and I’m well aware I’m not perfect. I don’t close cupboards and drawers straight away. Most of the time, I take a majority of space in a bed and tuck the covers underneath myself. And that’s to name just a couple. The road to self-love and self-acceptance is long and difficult, but I’ve been making progress. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have days when I look in the mirror and feel like I don’t know the person looking back at me. Days when I grab some loose skin on my belly and think I should probably do something about it. In moments like these, my boyfriend really does step up. It’s nice to have someone who loves you because you’re YOU. With all that loose skin, freckles on your forehead and no makeup on. Which then makes it a lot easier for me to look at myself and think ‘Hmmmm maybe I’m actually not THAT bad?’
Best friends first, lovers second
I never thought about this concept before I got into my relationship. I thought that everything was going to be perfect, our love would be blooming all the time and we would never be able to get enough of each other. And it was like that – for the first 5 months. So-called ‘honeymoon phase’. And then suddenly it was over and even though we still loved each other, arguments began to appear. We both realised neither of us was perfect and we both came with a certain set of flaws. And guess what, it actually got boring. Without constant dates, going out and being all ‘in love’. When it gets to that point, that’s where your friendship takes over. I have the best fun with my boyfriend because we can share a laugh at almost everything and we understand each other’s needs. There won’t always be cuddles, kisses and ‘I love you’s. But there will always be giggles, games
It’s okay to question your relationship
The first time that happened to me I got really scared. I remember thinking ‘oh maybe I should just go my own way and it would be better’. And it scared me because I thought it meant I didn’t love him anymore. That maybe I was getting bored. I mean, you rarely ever see anyone in movies wondering if their relationship is heading in the right direction. It took me a while to learn that these thoughts are perfectly natural and fine. Especially after a heated fight when all you want to do is slap your partner because THEY JUST DON’T GET IT OKAY?! These moments will pass just like the thoughts questioning the future of your relationship. Yes, sometimes it may last for a few days, but it will pass. Focus on the good parts of your relationship and it will be okay.
Moving in together can be a make or break
This one was the toughest obstacle for my relationship so far. We moved in together after only 4-5 months of being together because I thought it would be a perfect move and I didn’t want to be away from Mike for too long. Boy, was I foolish. What I didn’t think about is that apart from my dear boyfriend moving in, it would also be his lifelong habits (like dropping clothes everywhere, seriously there’s a thing called ‘dirty clothes basket’ for that), food preferences and a whole load of clothes I certainly didn’t have space for. I swear we argued for a whole month straight. Every single day. But we came out of it stronger than ever. When moving in together, it’s important to remember that you will both need to make sacrifices. Agree on compromises. And learn how to live with this other human being under one roof. But at the same time, you get to come back home to your favourite human who can’t wait to hear about your day. Or someone who can provide a shoulder to cry on after a really bad day.
Despite the fact that this is my first long-term relationship, I am not planning on having another one! I want to make it as long as possible. And probably learn a bit more from it while I’m at it.
Love is all you need!
Until next time xx
What have you learnt from your relationships?
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