What my long-term relationship has taught me
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What my long-term relationship has taught me

Guys, it’s officially Christmas time! It’s socially acceptable to play Christmas songs and wear PJs with snowflakes on them. Exciting times. November also means that it’s only one month until my next anniversary of getting into a relationship with my boyfriend. And guess what, this year marks 3 years together. Time flies when you’re having fun, doesn’t it? I thought it would be a good idea to sit down and think about what my long-term relationship has taught me about love. And life in general.

Let me clear this first. This is my first serious relationship *gasp* so I was going into it not knowing what to expect, how to behave and how relationships even worked. My knowledge was based on The Notebook, Disney movies and whatever book I was reading at that time (it could have been Twilight). In my head, I was a little princess waiting to be rescued by a prince and gallop on a horse to our happily ever after. At the same time being a ‘strong independent woman who don’t need no man’. Don’t ask me how two of these ideas even worked together.

My relationship has taught me so much. Among being less selfish, sharing a bit more and learning how to play PlayStation 4 games, I wrote down the most important lessons that will stay with me for a long time. Happy reading!

What my long-term relationship has taught me

A loving partner helps you love yourself more

I know myself and I’m well aware I’m not perfect. I don’t close cupboards and drawers straight away. Most of the time, I take a majority of space in a bed and tuck the covers underneath myself. And that’s to name just a couple. The road to self-love and self-acceptance is long and difficult, but I’ve been making progress. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have days when I look in the mirror and feel like I don’t know the person looking back at me. Days when I grab some loose skin on my belly and think I should probably do something about it. In moments like these, my boyfriend really does step up. It’s nice to have someone who loves you because you’re YOU. With all that loose skin, freckles on your forehead and no makeup on. Which then makes it a lot easier for me to look at myself and think ‘Hmmmm maybe I’m actually not THAT bad?’

Best friends first, lovers second

I never thought about this concept before I got into my relationship. I thought that everything was going to be perfect, our love would be blooming all the time and we would never be able to get enough of each other. And it was like that – for the first 5 months. So-called ‘honeymoon phase’. And then suddenly it was over and even though we still loved each other, arguments began to appear. We both realised neither of us was perfect and we both came with a certain set of flaws. And guess what, it actually got boring. Without constant dates, going out and being all ‘in love’. When it gets to that point, that’s where your friendship takes over. I have the best fun with my boyfriend because we can share a laugh at almost everything and we understand each other’s needs. There won’t always be cuddles, kisses and ‘I love you’s. But there will always be giggles, games

It’s okay to question your relationship

The first time that happened to me I got really scared. I remember thinking ‘oh maybe I should just go my own way and it would be better’. And it scared me because I thought it meant I didn’t love him anymore. That maybe I was getting bored. I mean, you rarely ever see anyone in movies wondering if their relationship is heading in the right direction. It took me a while to learn that these thoughts are perfectly natural and fine. Especially after a heated fight when all you want to do is slap your partner because THEY JUST DON’T GET IT OKAY?! These moments will pass just like the thoughts questioning the future of your relationship. Yes, sometimes it may last for a few days, but it will pass. Focus on the good parts of your relationship and it will be okay.

Moving in together can be a make or break

This one was the toughest obstacle for my relationship so far. We moved in together after only 4-5 months of being together because I thought it would be a perfect move and I didn’t want to be away from Mike for too long. Boy, was I foolish. What I didn’t think about is that apart from my dear boyfriend moving in, it would also be his lifelong habits (like dropping clothes everywhere, seriously there’s a thing called ‘dirty clothes basket’ for that), food preferences and a whole load of clothes I certainly didn’t have space for. I swear we argued for a whole month straight. Every single day. But we came out of it stronger than ever. When moving in together, it’s important to remember that you will both need to make sacrifices. Agree on compromises. And learn how to live with this other human being under one roof. But at the same time, you get to come back home to your favourite human who can’t wait to hear about your day. Or someone who can provide a shoulder to cry on after a really bad day.

What my long-term relationship has taught me

 

Despite the fact that this is my first long-term relationship, I am not planning on having another one! I want to make it as long as possible. And probably learn a bit more from it while I’m at it.

Love is all you need!

Until next time xx

What have you learnt from your relationships?

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Read more: 23 Things I’ve Learnt In 23 Years or The 5 Things No One Tells You About Moving To A Different City

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36 thoughts on “What my long-term relationship has taught me”

  1. Happy Anniversary! Relationships are and always will be a challenge. But the rewards you can gain from it can be so much more. I find when you are in the right one it can be so fulfilling and funny enough can make you feel whole and complete and makes you more excited for the future. Communication and working together is always key – to me thats the main fundamentals of a relationships and it sounds like you got the down. Being in love is the most amazing thing and just always enjoy it 🙂 .

    Congrats again xx

  2. omg hello there!!!! i was taken aback when i read that it will be 3 years for you and your boyfriend in December? cause same here!!! twinssss!!!!
    I love this post, it is sooo true, especially the bit about questioning your relationship – it can be good and a healthy way to open up conversation between the two of you about the sort of future you want together 🙂
    best of luck to you guys! excited to read more!

    love,
    autumnskyes xoxo

  3. Aww this is such a lovely post! Makes me feel so lucky as I’ve been in a long term relationship since I was 16! Me and my boyfriend celebrated 5 years this September and it’s the best feeling ever when your secure in your relationship! I love the fact that we best friends first xx

  4. Great post. You are completely right on many of the points you made. The lesson I learnt was probably different maybe due to personality differences. I learnt when to say enough is enough and eventhough true love can overcome most things there’s 3 things no one should compromise on. RESPECT, LOYALTY AND SHOWING CARE.

  5. Such a lovely post. I can agree with every part of it! It is my five year anniversary at the end of this month (only 20- so haven’t moved in together yet) but, as I’m at uni he has stayed for weeks on end sometimes and therefore we have got a taste of what living together would feel like. Also the arguments come and go every year. For a good half a year we were arguing regularly, and we were both thinking is this healthy? But we are so strong now and it has helped us grow as a couple.. I’m now just waiting for my ring and an amazing proposal 😉

  6. This is a lovely post! I love that your partner makes you love yourself more, this to me, is exactly how it should be. They bring out the best in you, and make you want to be the best version of yourself. A lovely post, and congrats on 3 years xxx

  7. This was such a Heart warming and honest post to read! I hope you have a good anniversary my fiancé and I aren’t far off our 4 year anniversary 🙂

  8. Hi, loved reading your post and your honestly within it. Have a happy anniversary and long may it last and take things at your own pace, just be happy.

  9. Love all the takeaways from your relationship! I’ve never been in a serious long-term relationship (I really like being single right now) but I can imagine that it is filled with many obstacles, especially when moving in with someone. It sounds like you two have worked through it all! Great post!

    -GG
    http://www.girlingamba.com

  10. Aww I love this! Me and my partner have been together 4 years in 2 weeks and it’s also my first long term relationship. I totally agree with all of this although we haven’t been lucky enough to move in together yet so I’m not totally sure about that side of things. I absolutely love the best friends first, lovers second thing, it’s one of my favourite parts about being in a relationship!
    Alice Xx

    1. It’s great when your boyfriend is also your best friend! We have so much fun together. Don’t rush with moving in, sometimes I wish we would have waited with that haha

  11. My boyfriend and I are constantly arguing at the moment about moving in together – we’ve been together a year, and I want to move in together so bad but he just doesn’t want to, at all.. 😔 It’s difficult, but it’s good to know that it gets better! I just want to come home to my favourite human everyday.. 😂🤷🏼‍♀️

  12. Awh this is so adorable! I love how real you are and how frankly you talk about these things. Some of these thoughts cross my mind sometimes and I’m still very much in the process of figuring out how everything works (rom coms don’t help, people). Loved it! xx

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